Intimacy and Meaning

“You are the intimacy and meaning you seek.”

It’s the need to protect and control that prevents us from being real. Without the willingness to be vulnerable, to be without defenses, to be open to whatever arises, we cannot discover the meaning and intimacy within ourselves. Meaning and intimacy are often sought outside of ourselves, through others, or by pursuing goals. Yet, meaning is what moves within us, as us, when we are deeply rested in our hearts, simply being what we are. We all experienced this as small children—happy without reason. When we relax into that state of openness in the heart, we easily reconnect with the sweet innocence we lost touch with along the way, realigning us with the purity and simplicity we once embodied naturally. When we meet in this state, intimacy moves within us, and we recognize our connection and belonging—we are One.

What is intimacy?

For many, it’s experienced when we are very close to another with whom we can relax, open up, and merge, or when we “forget ourselves” while being in nature –  It’s like a kind of “melted” togetherness where love flows. However, due to cultural conditioning, we may consider it personal and private, something we only allow ourselves to experience with a special partner, a child, or a pet. Intimacy, though, is a natural way of being. It’s a relaxed openness that, even though often experienced with others, is a substance within ourselves, not dependent on anyone else. It’s like a warm river of golden goodness that nourishes when allowed to flow freely within us, when we open up and relax.

Vulnerability becomes the doorway to intimacy, to being ourselves, to being real, to being where we are. But for that to happen, we must be willing to be vulnerable to what is. Being vulnerable means that we are open for all kinds of feelings and sensations to arise within our experience. It’s undefended. If it has walls, it prevents things from arising, not allowing the dynamism of our Being to transform our condition. Being vulnerable allows us to transform into something new and unfamiliar, which can initially be scary, leaving us feeling undefended.

The Intimacy of Just Feeling Ourselves

Reality is not what is usually reflected in our minds. Reality is so much cleaner, so much simpler and, in comparison to the noisy world of our usual inner experience, so much more settled and at ease. There is an exquisite intimacy in us just feeling ourselves, being ourselves. And when we are quiet and settled like that, we simply feel real. We recognize the realness of our Being, the realness of our awareness. Here, I remember the insight of the object relation psychologists: the sense of self develops in conjunction with the sense of other, first the mother then all others. The understanding is that the familiar sense of identity develops from early on within a field of object relations, always in relation to another person. This sense of self becomes a felt continuity by the memories of these experiences of oneself coalescing into a fixed structure in the psyche. Hence, this psychic structure also contains the memories of interactions with significant others.* A.H. Almaas reminds me of how “The feeling of self swims in an atmosphere of internalized relationships.” Being Intimate with Yourself . When you really like to discover the truth, when you just like to see and feel what’s true, this indicates that you like being yourself.

“It is lovely to be where one is without rejection, without the need to be somewhere else to be okay. In this place, the heart opens up, and there is enough space to feel joy. There’s contentment and peacefulness, and a personalness to the contentment and peace that gives the feeling of intimacy. You are intimate with yourself when you’re simply being where you are.” Spacecruiser Inquiry pg. 196, A.H. Almass